I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You were trust falling into bushes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
