i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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