okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
