And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
