I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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