My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
