Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
