He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
