She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
