Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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