i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
