so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
