Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
