I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
