new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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