***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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