and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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