also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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