i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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