I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
