did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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