Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
