tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Randomize
