My sheets look like a crime scene.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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