That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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