So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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