dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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