She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
