i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
