I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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