Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
