That's intense
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
