he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
