i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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