An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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