But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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