He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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