I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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