So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
