I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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