porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
...so i touched it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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