The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
