Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
