All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
