On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize