So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
