He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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