just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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