I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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