I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We need to get me chipped asap
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
