Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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