Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
