i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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