so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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