I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
