I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
